sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
