I'm eating all of the evidence.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
