The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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