rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
