My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
