well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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