My room smells like vodka and shame
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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