It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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