Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
