My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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