wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
