My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
