She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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