can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
