he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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