just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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