Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
