U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
