i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
