I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
