I think I won the penis lottery.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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