fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
