So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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