he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
