forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
