You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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