And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
