I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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