I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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