ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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