I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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