I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
