where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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