do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
