You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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