I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
