YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You pole danced in your parka.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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