I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
