3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
