3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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