xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
