i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
