idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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