dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
