Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
