talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
