I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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