She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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