i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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