i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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