There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
