I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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