you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
