there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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