At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I deserve this hangover.
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