when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
look no pants
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
