I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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