Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
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If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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