At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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