New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
