Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
