Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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