woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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